I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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