We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize