Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i just google imaged poop.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
