Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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