he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
false alarm. still invincible.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize