guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
