these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
wanna go halves on a baby?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
