so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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