I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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