the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We had to coat check the pizza.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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