What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
