matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
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Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
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I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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