You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
