she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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