Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
