So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
She needs sedatives and a leash
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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