I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Use "feeling words"
Yay
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
