I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You have to summon your inner elephant
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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