Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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