woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
