Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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