dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
