My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
