Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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