Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
