No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
