He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
