His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
