I'm gonna have a badass scar
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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