i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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