I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
