hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
