she looked like the bat from fern gully.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
