Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
