I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
