She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
