took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
