I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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