This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
