Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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