He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
