his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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