I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
