I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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