and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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