Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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