Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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