I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
