a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
