I wish I could punch you in the face.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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