dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
