Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
This show inspires me to have sex in space
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Randomize
