Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
