You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
