I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Randomize
