They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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