His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
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Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
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But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.