Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma