Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me