Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
