I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
