What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
