is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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