I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
