8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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