why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
i now understand why vodka
Success! We fucked roommates!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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