don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
