I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize